Jul
20
Written by:
masterblogger
7/20/2011 8:57 AM
BY CRAIG ANDERTON
Remember when the Parents Music Resource Center said CDs should have stickers warning
of “Explicit Content”? Well, they had the right idea—but the wrong direction. What we really
needed were warning stickers like these.
1
“Contains music
where client told the
mastering engineer to
make the CD ‘as loud
as possible.’” This just
in: Modern music
playback devices have
an innovative human
interface device
called a “volume
control” that allows
the consumer to make
music as loud as they
want! Isn’t technology
wonderful?
2
“Contains humanplayed
drum parts
quantized to a grid.”
I’m with Dave Grohl
(“Grohl’s Garage,”
Electronic Musician,
May 2011) on this one.
Drum machines are
exempt, of course,
because they’re
machines—their souls
are quantized. (Just
ask Kraftwerk.)
3
“Contains music
created by one person,
with no outside input
whatsoever.” Projects
like this generally do
not end well. Even
Prince, who really
can play everything
himself, listens to
other people.
4
“Contains the one
song you bought this
for; the rest is filler.”
Translation: Go to
iTunes and download
the single.
5
“Contains music
made by someone a
record label executive
wanted to sleep with.”
These never work
out—I played on some
of their sessions.