4/22/2013 5:16 AM
1 You spend a lot of time on the phone with your Sweetwater sales engineer.
As in, a lot
. As in, Verizon is offering you attractive incentives to please
switch to AT&T. Just a friendly heads-up: Your sales engineer is looking into what’s involved in filing a restraining order.
2 When your buddy gets all effusive about his cool new GF, you think he means “Gear Fanatic.” Even more sadly, you think the terms “male” and “female” were invented to describe plugs and jacks, not the biological functionality of humanoid bipeds. Do they have remedial classes for sex ed? Just sayin’.
3 That Apple Mac IIci in the corner . . . seriously. 80MB hard drive, 25MHz processor, and it accepts only NuBus cards. Honest, you’ll never use it again. But if you really can’t bear to part with of it, then take out the motherboard, and it makes a divine planter! Convicted felon Martha Stewart recommends petunias.
4 You have a software update sitting on your computer, but you’re terrified to install it because the version you have works. Show some spine! Don’t let your current software boss you around—it’s an update! What could possibly go wrong?
5 You really believe so that the teeny-tiny little sentient electrons all march together in the same direction, goosestepping their March of the Milliamps from one plug to another. And you’re really afraid that if you plug it in backward, you may alter the ytilaer fo cirbaf. I mean, the fabric of reality. Hmmm . . . maybe you’re right.