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electronic MUSICIAN

 

 

Nov 26

Written by: masterblogger
11/26/2013 7:47 AM  RssIcon

These days, everyone says marketing is as important as musicianship. But are you using outdated marketing lingo? Shame on you! Translate your dull statements into the latest messaging, and watch your marketing blast off!

1
People throw things at us when we’re onstage.
Translation:
We enable value-added interactive engagement with our fans.

2
We’ll play anything— weddings, proms, funerals, wife-swapping parties. Really . . . anything.
Translation:
We manage our flexible core competencies to bucketize win-win experiences for diverse, client-focused immersive experiences.

3
We ask people at our gigs to tell their friends about upcoming gigs.
Translation:
Our leading-edge promotion is all about leveraging a synergistic aggregation of eyeballs for an optimized, end-to-end networking relationship. (Note: For best results, follow this with a really thoughtful look as you pretend to check messages on your iPhone. Make sure it has one of those manly OtterBox cases!)

4
We understand that the whole point of playing your club is to get people to drink a lot, so we do a ton of cover songs but we do play some originals . . . it depends on the crowd.
Translation:
We curate vintage value propositions to fully realize your goal of snackable content, while focusing on proactive, 360-degree cross-media social commerce based on agile marketing.

5
We really can’t come up with any convincing reasons as to why you should hire us, but please hire us anyway.
Translation:
At the end of the day, we stretch the envelope to think outside the box, thus enabling a customer-directed change catalyst beyond positioning of second-screen ROI into a simple quality vector for viral gamification, combined with clickable earned media and ideation. Okay . . . I admit that doesn’t make any sense. But neither do any of the other ones—which means you’re catching on! Congratulations!

—Craig Anderton

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