Sure, the music business field has
been leveled—but how to you rise
above the noise? Notoriety! Check
out these five sure-fire tips on how
to become more famous, more faster.
I mean, more fastly.
- The public puke.
Justin Bieber’s stageto-
vomitorium extreme
makeover doesn’t count,
nor does Lady Gaga’s;
they were already
famous. Instead, look for
inspiration from Swedish
death metal band
Nödvärn—type “Swedish
death metal singer barf”
into Google, and see how
some well-timed reverse
peristalsis can help
launch your career.
- Make wacky political
statements. Look what
believing their own press
did for Hank Williams
Jr., Rage Against the
Machine, Kid Rock, Dave
Mustaine, and of course,
Madonna. Need further
proof? If wacky political
statements could revive
Ted Nugent’s comatose
career, then it should be
easy-peasy for you!
- Die. True story: An artist
on the same label as me
was selling huge numbers
of CDs in one particular
store. The record
company wondered why,
and visited the store
to investigate. Turned
out his record had been
misfiled in the “deceased
rock stars” section next to
Hendrix and Joplin. So he
got the benefits of dying
without having to actually
die!
- Join a cult. This is a
tricky “time-release”
strategy. Joining the
cult won’t make you
famous, but leaving it and
telling lurid tales on talk
shows about how they
believe that Drano is an
aphrodisiac and aliens
use TV to control our
minds will do the trick. If
that still doesn’t get you
any attention, say that
they eat kittens.
- Make really great
music. There’s nothing
like original, innovative,
soulful music that
causes a deep emotional
connection with your
listeners to get you some
well-deserved attention—
although admittedly, not
as much as puking, dying,
babbling about a cult, or
making wacky political statements.