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Craig's List: Five Ways Concerts are Not Like Hockey Games

June 13, 2014

Yes, this is an oft-debated subject. Do you think there are more similarities than differences between hockey games and concerts? It’s a common misconception, but think again!

Band members get into fights—Charlie Watts punching Mick Jagger, the Lamb of God drunken brawl, the North Korea/South Korea-like dynamic of the Gallagher brothers from Oasis . . . even hair bands like Poison have come to blows. Hockey players get into fights too, but they’re smarter—they fight people on the other teams!

Hockey “critics” are called referees, who watch every player’s moves and make a big fuss if someone’s not following the rules. So, be eternally thankful that you don’t have some dimwit emo music blogger standing next to you onstage and blowing a really loud whistle every time you hit a wrong note.

When hockey players do something bad, they have to spend time in a penalty box and pretend to look ashamed and dishonored. When rock groups do something bad, they get all kinds of free publicity in “entertainment” (I use the word loosely) TV shows that are so forgettable I can’t remember their names. But to be fair, it is difficult to throw a television from the penalty box. Or entertain groupies.

During half-time at hockey games, they play music. But in an enduring riddle that no one has ever been able to figure out, during concert half-times, musicians don’t play hockey. Why?

Hockey teams embrace cuttingedge devices called “clocks.” These marvels of modern technology divide the daily rotation of the earth into numerical reference points that allow humans all over the world to synchronize their activities—including starting hockey games on time. Well, someday musicians will also discover “clocks,” so their concerts will start on time! Just don’t bet on it.

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