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Craig’s List – Five Ways To Make Sure You Buy the Right Gear

August 21, 2013
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1 Attempt to read the manual. If you truly can understand it, then as surely as solidbody electric guitars have aphrodisiac-like properties, that’s the right piece of gear for you— because you’ll be able to figure out how to use it. However, remember you can’t absorb a manual’s contents by holding it up against your head. You actually have to read it.

2 With a synthesizer, simply audition the presets. It’s way too much effort to create your own sounds, unless you’re able to understand the manual. You’ll probably just stick with whatever came with the synth anyway—so if you like the sounds, why not just surrender to the inevitable?

3 Buy what famous celebrities endorse. After all, they use gear exactly the same way you do, have trophy spouses just like you, always agree on what’s best, and would never, ever let some form of paid compensation influence them in any way whatsoever.

4 Have a child-like faith in internet forums. All forumites are not only experts, they may even have actually used the piece of gear they’re discussing! Not only that, all of them are Mensa members and thoroughly understand what they’re talking about. No one has ever said something incorrect in a forum, so the level of credibility is equaled only by stock tips from famed late-night TV psychic Miss Cleo.

5 A salesperson’s opinion is even more truthful than a lawyer’s. All salespeople undergo grueling training, lasting many years (and sadly, some perish in their noble quest) so that they can understand all the nuances of every piece of gear. They’re professionals! The fact that one product has a higher profit margin, or 10,000 of them are sitting in a warehouse, makes no difference at all.

 
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