1
The DX7 Rhodes
Remember how the first
time you heard it you
were astonished by its
almost-transcendent
sound quality? And how
it still sounded great
after you’d heard it a
few dozen times? And
how after hearing it for
the 34,554th time on yet
another truly horrific
new-age album like The
Celestial Yoga Dream
Faeries of Spirit Bliss,
you never, ever wanted
to hear it again?
2
Gated Reverb on Drums
Steve Lillywhite and Hugh
Padgham didn’t invent
gated drum reverb, but
hey, we’ll blame them
anyway. Why? Because
they made hit records
with Peter Gabriel
highlighting that sound, so
copycats concluded that
using gated reverb would
give them hit records. The
fad came to an abrupt end
when they realized that
being Peter Gabriel would
give them hit records. And
they weren’t him.
3
The Fairlight Sampled
Shakuhachi
It added a cool ethnic
flavor at first. But then
you heard the same attack
every time it played. The
same opening flourish.
The same breathy sustain.
The same inelegant
fade in glorious 8-bit
fidelity. And that’s when
you sadly realized that
sampling definitely had
its limitations—as did the
people who kept using it.
Over and over. And over.
4
Vinyl Crackle Samples
There’s an old Hollywood
saying: “Above all, you
must be sincere. Once
you can fake that, you’ve
got it made.” So in that
spirit, let’s add an air
of authenticity with
something totally fake!
The ultimate irony, of
course, is advertising
vinyl-crackle samples
as “recorded in pristine
24-bit, 96kHz quality.”
I must be missing
something.
5
The TR-808 Handclap
Hip-hop? Sure! Techno?
Yeah, why not. But then the
clap started showing up
everywhere: Rock music
that should have known
better. Icelandic whaling
songs. Poison’s comeback
album of Sinatra ballads.
Monistat commercials. Yes,
that infectious 808 clap
spread like . . . well, you
know.