Sure, the music business field has been leveled—but how to you rise above the noise? Notoriety! Check out these five sure-fire tips on how to become more famous, more faster. I mean, more fastly.
- The public puke. Justin Bieber’s stageto- vomitorium extreme makeover doesn’t count, nor does Lady Gaga’s; they were already famous. Instead, look for inspiration from Swedish death metal band Nödvärn—type “Swedish death metal singer barf” into Google, and see how some well-timed reverse peristalsis can help launch your career.
- Make wacky political statements. Look what believing their own press did for Hank Williams Jr., Rage Against the Machine, Kid Rock, Dave Mustaine, and of course, Madonna. Need further proof? If wacky political statements could revive Ted Nugent’s comatose career, then it should be easy-peasy for you!
- Die. True story: An artist on the same label as me was selling huge numbers of CDs in one particular store. The record company wondered why, and visited the store to investigate. Turned out his record had been misfiled in the “deceased rock stars” section next to Hendrix and Joplin. So he got the benefits of dying without having to actually die!
- Join a cult. This is a tricky “time-release” strategy. Joining the cult won’t make you famous, but leaving it and telling lurid tales on talk shows about how they believe that Drano is an aphrodisiac and aliens use TV to control our minds will do the trick. If that still doesn’t get you any attention, say that they eat kittens.
- Make really great music. There’s nothing like original, innovative, soulful music that causes a deep emotional connection with your listeners to get you some well-deserved attention— although admittedly, not as much as puking, dying, babbling about a cult, or making wacky political statements.